Essays, Memoirs, & True Stories  April 2013 | issue 448

It Is No Longer Necessary To Write Novels

by Sparrow

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Sparrow lives in the small, touristy town of Phoenicia, New York, with his wife, Violet Snow. His latest book is How to Survive the Coming Collapse of Civilization (And Other Helpful Hints), and his new app, Fake Wisdom, is available on iTunes.

I THINK IT WAS Jorge Luis Borges who said that it was no longer necessary to write novels; it was sufficient to write the review of the novel. I say it’s no longer necessary to write novels; you may just write the first line.

I woke up, smelled the coffee, then lay in bed for three hours.

Using my phone, I took a picture of my camera.

I know who I am, but I don’t know whom I am.

I am the outgoing president of the Extroverts Association.

I’m allergic to alcohol: every time I drink it, I get lightheaded and befuddled.

I listen to the still small voice mail.

I live in a mobile home: my body.

My narcissism is much more extreme than yours.

God is love, but love is not God.

For six months, drugs can make you a better person.

I am a Marxist, in the sense that I love saying, “I am a Marxist.”

I like being the center of inattention.

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