Idols

I’ve been playing around with the word “Idol.” It keeps coming up as I-doll, something I create and to which I attribute certain qualities. Before I know it, this I-created doll has power over me.

I have had many idols in my life — teachers, writers, painters, lovers, and public figures. I invested them all with qualities far beyond my own attainment. I eventually found, to my grief, that they couldn’t live up to the standards I had projected upon them.

Then I met Reirin Yamada Roshi, a Zen Master who could easily have become my idol. He would, however, not allow this to happen. His teaching put me firmly back into myself. The first time I sat on a cushion in his big barn-like zendo, I cried uncontrollably. I think I sensed that I was at least at Home, not in someone else, but in myself. I felt safe.