Birds decide to give up their wings because flying indulges in an ego trip. Hermit crabs decide they have to pay rent on their shells. Snakes invent banks where they can invest their sloughed-off skins. Beavers vote to build high-rise lodges above their ponds. Squirrels expect a minimum wage for storing nuts in secret. Earthworm expressways install periodic tollbooths to help defray construction costs. Lions build cages, lock themselves in, and charge admission to see them. Butterflies get rich from fee to see emergence from chrysalis. Termite Thoreau goes to live by a dewdrop for a while before returning to the termite mound. The turnip and parsnip form a partnership. Celery wants a salary. Cows demand humans make their own milk from their own tits and eat their own sawn muscles. Trees agree to sprout money instead of leaves as long as they can make newspapers out of human corpses to print tree news. Dust motes go on strike for safer floating conditions. One raindrop says to another raindrop — “I don’t believe in clouds or that we’re falling.” Plankton plot how to conquer the ocean. Sea horses form cavalries and charge to periwinkle bugle calls. Mayflies scheme to be more famous as poets than other mayflies. Mountains want to get away from it all too, tired of carrying the world on their shoulders. Roses make X-rated videos of rosebuds opening. Sloths realize they better change their lazy ways or else. Spiders decide not to spin webs unless they’re displayed in art museums. Crickets refuse to cricket unless haiku take notice. Whales grow back their arms and legs so they can return to land and work in factories. Flowers want to work in factories too. They feel funny just sitting around doing nothing but being beautiful and smelling good. Penguins decide to take off their tuxedos and wear their bum clothes for a change.