WISH I could say something about love, lust, marriage, jealousy and divorce. Boy, have I made a royal mess of these. I think my major problem has always been to reconcile my desire for a “true love” with a more universal kind of feeling. They are both so different. One lacks what the other offers and vice versa and they are apparently mutually exclusive (at least they have been so far for me).
Don’t know what to believe right now. Just very confused. It’s much easier to save the world — except that, because of love, I can’t keep my head together long enough to do it. I seek something deep and lasting, the mythical person to go hand-in-hand through life with, and always end up tearing myself to pieces. So I break loose. Really enjoy life again. And sooner or later get tired of my freedom and seek to get enslaved again by a love affair.
Well, I suppose there could be worse patterns. Don’t know. I also have a lot of trouble with jealousy. Don’t like to think about or see someone I’m in love with intimate with anybody else (and don’t want her to see or hear about me doing the same). One way of handling it, I’m not sure if it’ll work, is to live in different areas, and just meet occasionally alone together. I think it beats living together, but I really don’t know what the hell I’m talking about.
