A skein of lines broods flows into a mother’s face among cribs suddenly bent over death you sit with her in a small room that seems to be closing in “the doctor’s with him” you hear yourself saying to fill up the silence the shivering starts as a slight tremor in her hand as she stretches it upward past her face and then it convulses her into a sobbing question which can only be answered by an encircling arm her husband catapults into the room a white missile about to explode what is happening to his world everything is out of control rolling like a speeding car toward a cliff the disaster numb within him caught in the chest rolls in the brain like pebbles like lumps of raw dough balled into formless shapes weighing down a stomach of a child who has eaten too much on baking day “If there were only something that we could do” the doctor says not being able to tell them that all the cpr the sodium bicarbonate the ambuing of oxygen into his lungs nothing would be enough to make him awaken and be the Owen they have known when they hear “he is dead” they know it already but hope that somehow it was all a mistake the feeling of guilt descends like a shroud& their shoulders too young too thin to handle its weight the grandparents come and suddenly the parents are quietly consoling them as if theirs were the greater need Owen was an angel gone ahead to pray for his family gone into the sky seeking oxygen gone into autopsy a fine white powdered sugar a disposable cremation blown to the wind they enter the tiny room where Owen lies wrapped in a white cloud of cotton soft light just under ten pounds a collapsed balloon doll burst in his one-hundred-and-fiftieth day with the face of his father his fingers his toes with three voodoo adrenalin holes in his pin-wheel chest he witnesses his parents speaking to the coroner signing the autopsy papers shrunken to duplicate red ink on white paper unreal asleep forever silent why why the young mother cries as when her suckling cub is stolen a lioness goes raging tracking down the unseen enemy who dared to enter her den steal her prized possession what lay within the crib what fiend that would embrace a baby so innocent in its slumber a germ a toy the mattress cover but no no everything was in its place except Owen would no longer breathe laugh suck from her breast the same flesh that responds to her husband’s caress whose eyes are flowers that perceive stars now are a churning quagmire of tears lips drawn fine the down-drawn grief face of our age flows into Pieta mother and between her knees life as her son in death pours from the sky
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