Summer Dusk
I put in my goddamn hearing aid in order to listen to a bird that sounds like the side of a drinking glass struck lightly by a fork and try not to hate a life that dips you in Time like a tea bag over and over and pulls you up each year a slightly different color. Yet I like this hour when the air goes soft and leaves stir with relief at the end of their labor of being leaves. “What a piece of work is man,” I say, forgetting Hamlet said it first — “how noble in reason, how infinite in faculties, in form and moving how express; and yet, to me, the quintessence of dust!” This hour of the evening with a little infinity inside, like an amnesty from the interminable condition of being oneself. This half-hour when you can look, and see that it is sweet. Even in my deafness I can hear the bird whose name I do not know, speaking to someone in the dusk.
Birthday Card
This 4x5 birthday card I bought but could not give as a present to my father depicts a tiny man in bathing trunks and goggles seated on the lip of a giant drinking glass, looking down at the water. Initially comic, the implications start to darken when you are about to hand it to a man ticking like a clock, with skin cancer, ventricular arrhythmia, and no sense of humor — Right about then is when you notice that as soon as the little swimmer jumps into the glass half full of water, he’ll have a zero chance of ever getting out — so the jokey image suddenly is tinted with grim currents of the morbid truth and the card begins to look like a passive-aggressive message being smuggled under the radar of a sunny occasion. Death and claustrophobia; anger; unwept tears; dread and the judgment of God — how can they all be carried by a little card? If only we could quit mincing around, I would give him a card saying, Death is Singing to the King! and he would reciprocate with one that says, Sap is for sapsuckers; whatever balls you have have come from battling me — the message full of gut-punches and grunts, groans and insults of the kind that take a family decades to refine, to pass down through the years from a father to a child and back again — in both of them a bleeding dusky chunk of the desperate, cryptic dark — in each, the struggle of a plant for just a little more light and oxygen.