We do not see colors anymore, when we tire we think of the world without us, of each of our deaths like the death of a color: thistle, sweet lavender, monkshood. Our fathers remembered colors as old men who used to swim every day remembered ponds they used to steal off to, blues like rivers that rise and flood, Nabob blue, Luxor blue, Zaffre blue, bluesilvers buried like fabulous beasts below the frostline Long lists of colors we learn like pharaohs, like names in the Bible, colors like huge continents sunk into the sea, Brittany blue, Normandy blue, colors like sacked monasteries. All that is left of colors are the labels, even they soften and scrape off like paper off bottles soaked and reused. Reds were the last colors to go, drained like old clarets we knew we would never taste again. Dark red, dark cardinal red, peachwood, mulberry, purple madder, Pompeian red, Moroccan, we thought if we said the names of colors we could adapt to the darkness in each like aviators in dark rooms before their night missions staring into low red lights. Lying in bed we could teach ourselves colors saying them to ourselves like timestables: bonebrown, bistre brown old ivory, deep olive, buff, iron buff, yellow brazil wood, seed pearl, stone yellows, burmese gold If we said the names of colors aloud, we thought we could see them again like weathers—say sleet, summerwinds and we recall the day our father died or we went too far from home. Heron blue, dark teal blue, swan blue, bluish grays light violet blues, colors fluttering across small clearings like birds whose wings have been clipped, the posted sanctuaries and botanical gardens of colors. Colors brewed like home remedies, blues from chicory, flaxflower, gentian, larkspur, cornflower, herbal medicines whose bittersweet teas we taste like tears at the back of our throats, a geography of tastes, ceylon blue, persian blue, alexandrian blue, dark medici blue, cloister blue, tapestry blue, colors like old wirelesses, old victrolas that used to work. All we ask is that you touch these names as if they were colors Our fathers spoke of color with fear and longing like a sea they had crossed as children, this incidental blue, this blueviolet that rubs off winter briars, this pelican and gull gray, bluehaze, bat and bear’s hair, hudson seal, dover gray, pilgrim gray, rose taupe, slag and steel gray, wrought iron, cobblestone, tailgunner gray, battleship gray, shadow gray dark gray, very dark gray, charcoal gray
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