Losing them, fixing them, forgetting to put them in
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Hanna Neuschwander is director of communications of graduate programs at Lewis & Clark College in Portland, Oregon, and managing editor of the academic journal Democracy & Education. She is also the author of a guidebook to West Coast coffee roasters, Left Coast Roast. She gave birth to a healthy daughter in May 2014.
The winter garden is a good place to incubate the idea of a child. It is all potential, like an empty house waiting to be furnished. Just as I imagined the chickens laying, the now-dormant bulbs blossoming, and the grapes ripening in the sun, so too I dreamed of buying maternity clothes and onesies, feeling euphoric after giving birth, and feeding an infant from my own body. Even the prospect of sleepless nights with a crying baby seemed enticing.