I’ve logged more experience than most with simplicity and the complexity you discover inside simplicity, minimalism and asocial behavior, endurance and landscape.
Here is the truth: I think some deep wisdom inside me (a) sensed the stress, (b) was terrified for me, and (c) gave me something new and hard to focus on in order to prevent me from lapsing into a despair coma — and also to keep me from having a jelly jar of wine in my hand.
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God, it feels good to be a crazy bitch.
To stand straddle-legged in a slip dress and stilettos
lashing out recriminations, nonsensical accusations
that leave his mouth agape. To stop being understanding,
reasonable. To rage with the heat of a thousand tigers in your heart.
To shake him with your insanity, your flashing eyes, your floating hair.
And, God, it feels good to accuse.
To become fiery wrath — the unknowable, unreachable, eminently desirable
in her glorious power Queen Bitch Motherfucker.
To scream so loud, he closes the windows. To make a scene.
To turn to him, mascara running, and say, YOU! YOU!
God, it feels good to bolt from the table, storm out of the restaurant,
sit hissing in the passenger seat, and the minute you hit the house
to rise in a second wave, more terrible than the first, suck him under
and spew him out, then smash, piece by piece, your grandmother’s
bone china on the tiled floor. Yes, it feels good to stop preserving the past,
all that handed-down misery, that nice-girl garbage cast out to the bins.
And, best of all, to have saved this fully bloomed flower of your true self
for just such a moment. To have the pleasure of showing
him he has chosen wrong. He has made a terrible mistake.